u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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