I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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