I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
