wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
