shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
