So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The adults are the big ones right?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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