im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
