I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize