Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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