all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize