Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
