wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
