So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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