so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
