nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
