I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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