i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My balls are so social today.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
