There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
