MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
