We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
