I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
