Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
