Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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