i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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