Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
