so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We don't watch enough power rangers
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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