The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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