Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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