so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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