He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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