problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
