hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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