i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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