So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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