I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
