My sheets look like a crime scene.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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