after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
