Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
