South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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