so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
