Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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