I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
