I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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