Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
