Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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