I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
