I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
