Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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