Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
