it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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