I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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