Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
