so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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