i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
