giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
