ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
