FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
