Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
