Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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