You can't special order awesome
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
