oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It was confusing and full of hummus
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
