I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
