so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
