I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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