Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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