You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I wish there were birth control emojis
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
