At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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