happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
