I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
