Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
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Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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