Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
