how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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