It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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