he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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