i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
