Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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