my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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