no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
