Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
