i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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