He uses pillows to masturbate.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
