I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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